Sammy: Hey! Happy Birthday!
Tom: Hey you too!
Sammy: That's not how it works. Oh by the way, I brought my friend Jack, if that's OK?
Tom: That's fine, yeah.
Sammy: It's just he has this...
Jack: I'm here, I'm queer! (coughs) I mean I'm just here, I'm not gay.
Tom: OK... That's fine.
Jack: I'm really sorry. I'm not gay.
Tom: No it's fine if you are, Tim's gay.
Tom: Do you want me to introduce you or...
Sammy: Oh no, Jack has a condition.
Jack: I... can't enter a room without telling everyone that I'm gay. It's a nervous thing. It's worse with new people.
Tom: I'm gonna go over there...
Jack: Hello, me again I like men! I don't... WOMEN is what I was meant to say.
Tom: Please stop.
Jack: I have a condition.
Tom: Being gay is not a condition!
Jack: I'm not gay!
Jack: Alright gang, I like wang! Knock knock! I like cock! Have you heard the news, I'm into dudes. Hello Hello, give me a blow, job, if your a man! Oh no come back.
Sammy: What's the happ's, I hate the blacks.
Tom: Have you got a condition as well?
Sammy: Nope just racist!
Jack: What's up? I'm a homosexual.
Tom: Didn't even rhyme.
Sammy: Obama, Oprah, young Michael Jackson...
Jack: Alright, alright, lets have some fun, when I came out to my dad he said 'I have no son'...
Sammy: I'd say about a fifth of the Spice Girls.
Tom: You really do have a problem, don't you?
Tom: Wait, have you ever tried walking into a room backwards?
Jack: (Back to camera) Hello I hate gay people.
Tom: Wow! That is much worse!
Jack: Why? What did I say?
Tom: You don't know what you're doing? Do you?
Sammy: What if you said nothing?
Tom: See that wasn't so... Jack!
Jack: (Snogging Tim) AH! No...no! All him. No, not my idea.
Girl: Why doesn't he try coming in through the window?
Jack: (Climbs through window) Hi.
Vicar: I now pronounce you husband, and husband. You may kiss the groom.
(Applause) (Tom and Jack gasping)
Jack: I'm not gay!
Mrs.Johnson: (Clapping) I love it!